Art by Shaira Bungcag
For a fact, everyone in the campus has seen the growth of Andres Rico Gonzales III in pictures bannered on the façade of Letran. For years, ‘Andres’ made a lot of accomplishments at a very young age.
During a recent interview with The LANCE, Andres sat down and shared some of his mathematical hacks.
“It’s not really hard when you have the seven dragon balls with you,” Andres started as soon as he received the first of the team’s many questions.
“The seven dragon balls, when combined, give me what I have been craving for so long and that is world dominance—first I start with my high school, then, I go after the world in a jiffy,” Andres revealed with a grin.
For the record, Andres was the overall champion for the annual Philippine Rice Grain counting contest, Metro Manila Amoeba Multiplication Challenge, Luzon Count My Concern tournament, Muralla Divide the Rainfall trial, Are You Smarter Than Andres Rico Gonzales III television gameshow and so on.
“These contests are all easy peasy for me, I mean, not to brag but, being the owner of the seven dragon balls, is there really anything that you cannot do in a snap of a finger?” Andres asked rhetorically as if trying to count the strands of hair of our staff.
On the 25th of June this year, Andres will welcome guests in his small booth named ‘Andres’ training ground for the mathematically poor souls’. This booth aims to encourage and train Letranites in order for them to find all the other scattered dragon balls.
“As much as I would like it (Andres’ training ground for the mathematically poor souls’) to be exclusive, I think I also have to open a booth for students from our neighboring campuses like Lyceum, Mapua, and Pamantasan—I want to share my expert talents to people who are in dire need of dragon ball seeking ethics,” Andres shared.
The 71-year-old Letranite will continue to give his helping hand until the very last drop of his youth potion has been consumed. “Oh if you guys are wondering, I’m actually a 71 year-old-man in a boy’s body, I had to keep it this way to continue earning glory for Letran—seeing me grow in pictures isn’t a joke now, my youth potion is running out, I need to train a new ‘Andres’,” Andres confessed.
Aside from training students, ‘Andres’ training ground for the mathematically poor souls both’ also offers a limited-edition audition for the next Andres Gonzales.
Happy dragon ball hunting, folks.