I’ve been writing here on this side of The LANCE for two years as if I know things – like I got things figured out. The truth is, just like most of you, I’m still on the verge of stitching my pieces together.
It still baffles me how the once awkward communication freshman who only longs to be good at something has been awarded this spot. Two terms, I was the youngest in the team – the least in experience, skill, and knowledge. On my first term, as Features Editor, I was the lone editor who hasn’t taken any units of journalism course. Sound like a mistake, right?
With that, some of my writers then belittled, backstabbed, and despised me. I’d lie if I said it didn’t bother me.
Despite all that, I moved along and considered The LANCE as my second home.
The LANCE changed me a lot. From the person who wonders where will he be good at; to someone who somehow felt that I belong somewhere. It was a home where I felt the warmth of those around me. It was where I met people who shared the same interests and dread things similarly – the best people, actually.
The laughers, the tears, the (absurd) ideas, the lessons, the conversations and most of all, the dreadful deadlines which were always disregarded will be missed.
I fell in love with The LANCE, and the people around it.
Yet, one day I checked, I was no longer the person who entered this publication. I’ve spent too much time with the circle I’ve met from the publication, prioritized it more than my academics. It led to repeated failures in different aspects of life, and multiple acts of disappointments which let people, including myself, down. I got lost along the way. I lost the person who was one enthusiastic to do things in life, and who was once strong enough to carry on through life’s tribulations -- and not to be caught up with it. It was my fault that I let myself be caught up with my own shortcomings.
What baffles me more is how some came up with the conclusion that I think that I have the talent and the skills.
In reality, I never looked up to myself, I know I’m still far from my co-editors here at The LANCE. I’m still the same insecure boy who entered this paper. I never bragged about my works – I’m just not confident with it. Whenever I see someone holding an issue of The LANCE, I always hoped that they wouldn’t notice my column because I didn’t want people reading my work in front of me – it makes me uncomfortable. I know I have a long way to go, and a tedious patching up with myself before I get to where I want to.
Therefore, those who think that I’ve left humility along the way, you’re completely wrong. What I’ve lost is the way back to rise up – and that is not a showcase of lack of humility.
Still, I want to extend gratitude to those who believed in me despite letting them down a couple of times, all of them came from this publication too; Apec Sta. Ana, Nathaniel Mariano, and A.P. Louie Ignacio – all I look up to.
My narrative is simply a case of being blinded by life’s successes and joy making the former a burden and turning the latter to sorrow.
To add, it didn’t end there. As one of my professors said, “…rise above your shortcomings.” And I will, ma’am!
To us engulfed by a situation similar to this, say your “I will!” for yourself. No one is going to save ourselves, but us alone. Those around us will perhaps guide us, but the last call will come from us. Hopefully, your story too will not end on the phase that you’ve been caught up by your mistakes.
No one knows what is bound to happen next. It’s time to learn from past decisions and seek the way to reach the summit. See you all around!